Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Helping Relatoinships - part 2

This series of blog posts is my attempt to capture some highlights from the “Helping Relationships” counseling class at Westminster. The class equips Christians to grow in our ability to love one another through our words. Why is this important?

In any given week, people have problems and will seek out either advice that will be either good or bad. People will pass that onto others. That advice could be life-giving medicine to the body of Christ, or corrupt the body like deadly cancer. How do we ensure the multiplication of healthy life-giving advice? In addition, we are called by Christ to love one another, which is one of the most basic commands that Christ gave us (see John 13 and John 15).

Before going into the “how-to”s of Biblical counseling, I want to lay a good foundation. Without understanding some key concepts, the principles of Biblical counseling won't make much sense.

THE GREATEST COMMAND

In the midst of people and their problems, we love others by seeking what is best for them. All of us were created for one purpose, which is to know God and enjoy Him forever. At its very core, sin is the failure to do that. God has commanded us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind, and love our neighbor as much as we love ourselves (Matt. 22:36-40). The root of our problems are traced to sin, which entered the world when man first rebelled against God. Sin is our failure to love and obey God.

AFTER THE FALL: SIN AND SUFFERING

But our problems don't just come from our sin and rebellion. Our problems also come from suffering, which were the byproducts of man's fall. When sin entered the world, so did suffering- things like thorns in the ground and things like disease, disasters, and death.

Sin and suffering have plagued the human race ever since Adam and Eve's rebellion against God. And they cause lots of problems! Thankfully, God has successfully engineered a rescue mission to restore sinful humanity and broken creation (see 2 Cor. 5:17-21 and Rom. 8:18-24).

But, Christians who are forgiven and have eternal life in Christ still struggle with temptation. Paul has almost an entire chapter of Romans (see Romans 7) detailing his struggle against his old sinful nature. As a Christian, Paul has a new nature and wants to love and obey God, but his old sinful nature wages war against his new nature. We will continue to have this struggle until we are given sinless, glorified bodies in Heaven one day.

HUMAN HEART = IDOL FACTORY

The sinful heart gravitates towards idols. John Calvin has said that the human heart is an “idol factory” Our sinful hearts run to anything and everything that isn't God. It could be obvious things like money, power, and prestige. Or, it could be more subtle things like control, comfort, and convenience. Whatever the case, our hearts don't naturally love and obey God on its own. We need a lot of help!

In the meantime, we have to engage in serious spiritual warfare against the idols of the heart. One evidence that someone is spiritually alive is that he kicks and fights against sinful idols by the power of the Holy Spirit: “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” (Rom. 8:13).

PUTTING SIN TO DEATH

The Holy Spirit does this when He reveals sin in our lives, convicts us of it, and gives us the desire to repent from it. The process may not be fun- we have to call sin what it is and confess it to God and others. But, the resulting clear conscience is something we wouldn't trade for anything in this world. That process of killing our sin requires brutal honesty. We have to stop the excuses and even call ourselves out on it. Without that brutal honesty, we're simply deceiving ourselves and even covering things up: “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” (Pro 28:13) As we continue this process, we grow in our love for God and obedience to His commands.

But, does that kind of brutal honesty work with others? How can we love others by helping them love God more? Does this mean we should call people out on their sin? Brutal honesty is needed for our sin, so isn't it needed for the sins of others?

Sin is often blinding and leads to self-deception. We often don't know that we are sinning, and our defenses often go on high-alert when someone wants to confront us. Biblical counseling gives us the tools for helping others. Often an "idol-hunt" doesn't work- we can't simply look at someone's problem, tell them they're sinning by serving a 'false god', and then tell them to start serving the true God. We often can't speak to others like we speak to ourselves. The brutal honesty we use on ourselves to confront our own sin and put it to death often doesn't work on others. That brutal honesty will just turn people away and even get us accused of being self-righteous and judgmental.

DILEMMA

This presents a real dilemma. In cases where sin needs to be exposed, how do we do it without being dismissed as insensitive or self-righteous? How do you call out sin without coming off as judgmental? How do you help someone with their idols in a way that is loving and sensitive? Jesus calls us to pull the log out of our own eye so that we can see clearly to pull the speck out of the eyes of others (Matt. 7:3-5).

Biblical counseling seeks to walk alongside another person. By walking alongside, we aim to find out:
  • how they are doing
  • how God and His promises are infinitely better than all other false gods, and
  • how to pray the promises of God into their life.

In future posts, I'll build on this foundation and describe some of the ways we apply this knowledge in our relationships within the body.



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