Helping Relatoinships - part 5: Praying

This is part 5 in a series of blog posts on the “Helping Relationships” counseling class that Teresa and I took at Westminster. To love someone well, we ultimately want them to drink from the Living Water, Jesus Christ (John 4:11, 7:38). Nothing else in this world or this life can ultimately satisfy. The last post talked about learning to say “we.” The struggles of the heart are universal. Knowing that, we proceed with humility and keep asking one more question. When we can say “we”, that means we see our struggle in their life. We have entered their world, see their need, and our common need for the Savior.

By the time we can say “we”, we have some idea where to take them to Christ because we have experienced the life-giving Living Water ourselves. And if we're in a big mess as well, Christ meets us where we are. Together, we can call out to God for help.

PRAYER

So how can we pray? Whenever we see our sin, we pray for help so we can repent and turn to Christ. We pray because we are powerless to overcome sin on our own. The Holy Spirit must intervene! And that's how we can pray in a meaningful way for someone. In the midst struggles, we pray that they would experience the goodness of God and turn away from false gods. Of course, when someone is suffering, we pray for God to relive that suffering. There's nothing wrong with praying that God will provide a spouse, a job, better health, etc...

But, if we only focus on the suffering and don't address the desires of the heart, we may be missing something important. God uses suffering to discipline us: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Heb 12:11). God uses the trials of our life (James 1:2-4) to show us that we often love something more than we love God. The struggles show us that we need the gospel of grace even now. Christ died for our sins, and we need His grace in the day-to-day struggles. In short, we pray that others may love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength- a reality that all Christians desire.

PRAYER IN REAL LIFE

How can this work in real life? It might be helpful for me to include snapshots from a conversation I've had with a friend. I've changed some of the details, but hopefully you get the idea.

Me: What's been going on with you lately? [I'm trying to move towards my friend and go deeper]

Friend: I just got laid off from my job. I'm thankful for the severance package, and I'll have unemployment benefits for awhile. But life's hard, and I'm feeling depressed.

Me: What's been hard about getting laid off? What worries you the most? [Asking one more question....]

Friend: I'm not really worried about the bills. What bothers me is that I look around at my other friends, and all of them have jobs. I feel like God has forgotten about me.

Me: Why do you think God has forgotten about you? [I keep asking one more question until I can say, “we”]

Friend: I feel like other people have jobs, but I'm getting singled out. Why does this have to happen to me?

Me: Disappointment in life is something I've had to struggle with at times. As someone who wants to be a preacher, it can be discouraging to see other people who are more gifted or get better grades in seminary. I have desires in my heart to excel and do well. Those desires aren't wrong. But, when those desires begin to lead and control our life more than God, we know that we've crossed the line. [at this point, I see a similar struggle in my own heart....I'm able to say “we”!]

Friend: It's hard to believe that God loves me.

Me: How have you experienced God love?

Friend: I know He gave Jesus to die for me- I believe it. I know He has been faithful to me in the past. God gave me this job before, and He has provided all my needs in the past.

Me: How can I pray for you?

Friend: Pray that God would provide a new job.

Me: I will pray for that. How can I pray for your relationship with God?

Friend: I need prayer for my struggle and my doubts.

Me: I will pray that God gives you eyes to see what He is doing and helps you to trust Him. He has a plan for you, brother. I don't know what it is, but He does. He's been faithful to you before, and He's shown you His love in Christ. Can I pray for you now?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Father, I pray that you would give my brother a new job. I thank you that you have given us a great Savior, Jesus Christ, who has rescued us from our biggest problem, the problem of our sin and our eternal punishment. I thank you for providing for my brother in the past. I pray that He would look to You and that he would call out to you for help with his doubts. I pray that He would see that you are good, loving, and faithful. Amen.