Helping Relatoinships - part 6: Scripture Comes Alive

This blog post will wrap up the “Helping Relationships” counseling course we took last year. In previous posts, I've discussed the nature of the Christian life- loving God and loving people. It's a reality we must do together as the body of Christ. The New Testament has no concept of lone-ranger Christians. Our union and connection to Christ, who is the Head of the church and the life-giving vine, connects us to other Christians. That's why our love for our brothers and sisters is so important- it's the evidence that we have been loved and changed by Jesus Christ. When Christ commands us to love one another, it's not optional. When scripture tells us to speak truth in love, we must obey.

This course has given us some practical ways to speak truth in love: moving towards others, asking one more question, learning to say “we”, and praying the promises of God.

The final topic in this series will talk about how to bring scripture to life in tough situations. Basically: How do you say hard things to a peer? Maybe your friend knows as much (or more) scripture than you do. How do you share scripture without sounding like you pulled some pre-packaged theological truth off the shelf?

The answers pull us back to asking questions and learning to say “we.” Before we teach scripture, we must first be taught by scripture. At some level, scripture should be settled into the very fiber of our being because it is our living hope: “You have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God” (1Pe 1:23). If scripture is our living hope, it won't sound trite or cliché.

WHEN SCRIPTURE COMES ALIVE

What are some ways to tap into our living hope?

Single verses, concordance style – In this method, we look up verses on a topic (e.g. anger, pride, etc...) This is helpful but limited- the Bible is much more than a “How-to” manual. If we only pick up verses here and there, we may miss the big picture.

Themes – some images and stories are carried through all of scripture. We can use these themes and apply them directly to ourselves and others. The beauty of scripture is that it comes alive as we identify with it. Retelling stories from the perspective of scripture is powerful. Here are some examples given by Dr. Welch in our class:

• Alienation - People new to American culture often feel like they're on the outside. The Bible is filled with outcasts, starting with Adam and Eve. Like them, we are people who are cast out. Yet, God pursues outcasts and even becomes an outcast Himself by dying on the cross in ridicule and shame
  
  
• Temptation – Temptations come when something promises life but is really death. They don't take 'no' for an answer. The Bible is filled with people who are battling desires- people who feel like they will die if they don't get what they want. Have you ever been in a place where saying 'no' makes you feel like you're going to die?
  
  
• Wilderness - The wilderness is frightening and dangerous. Suffering is living in the wilderness. The LORD rescues His people from slavery in Egypt, but He tests them in the wilderness. Yet He is with His people. His presence is more obvious in the wilderness than any other place. He gives us grace for today but not for tomorrow. It's understandable if we're afraid of tomorrow because He hasn't given us grace for tomorrow. In those moments Egypt can sound awfully good.
  
  
• Shepherd (Gen. 48:15, Psalms, etc...) – God is the shepherd for His people. He moves towards us, feeds us, and leads us. Most of all, Jesus Christ the Good Shepherd has laid down His life for His sheep.

Here are some other thought-provoking patterns that make scripture come alive:

2D or 3D world? - The Israelites complain to Moses and want to go back to Egypt. They forget about God and live like it's a 2D world- it's only them and Moses. In a 2D world, God doesn't exist or doesn't care. But God makes it 3D when He says, “Why do people hold me in contempt?” (Num. 14:11). We often forget that the world is really 3D. The scriptures change our 2D world into a 3D one. We always live in the presence of God, and we ultimately answer to Him.

The Psalm Sandwich– The Psalms often have a Praise-Complaint-Praise sandwich. The Psalmist praises God, voices his good complaints, and then ends with praise. In prayer, we have the privilege of bringing our complains before the God who hears. And by ending with worship, we recognize that God is God and we are not.

Cry out to the Lord – When trouble comes, we often have two options before us. We can cry on our bed or cry to the Lord.

What's Done vs. What we do - What we do to obey God should always be rooted in what God has already done. Otherwise, we fall into legalism or some kind of works-based righteousness. Before God goes into the 10 Commandments, He tells His people: “I am the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt.” The commands of scripture sit in the context of redemption. We belong to God. As citizens of the kingdom, how do we live in response to His redemption? We have been bought with a price, so we are not our own.

Warnings and Comforts Go Hand-in-Hand – In the prophetic books such as Isaiah, we can't read the warnings too long until we see a beautiful picture of the gospel. In the midst of horrific rebellion, God keeps calling Israel to return: “Come now, let us reason together....” (Is. 1:18).

Connect everything to THE story (1 Cor.2:2, Phil.2:6-11) of the cross and the BIG story of the Kingdom. - The cross of Christ is now the hinge-point of law and history. Paul, has determined to know nothing except Christ and Him crucified. Christ lowered Himself to the point of death, even death on a cross. How can we not serve others after Christ has served us? Christ died for sins – how does that guide my decisions today?

Tell THE story in 101 ways - Scripture is not dependent on one single metaphor. The people who have been redeemed are freed prisoners, adopted children, prodigal sons, forgiven and cleansed felons, restored adulterers, not-my-people who have become my-people . . .

Start from the end - In class, we were constantly bombarded with examples of tragedy: people who lost loved ones or a woman who has been sexually abused. How could a good Father let this happen? But, what if we start at the end? In the end, you and I will know our Father, God, and King face-to-face (1 Jn 3:1-3). There will be no more shame or tears. We will be glorious as we reflect His glory (Isaiah 54). There will only be peace and safety. This doesn't answer all the questions, but this is where we are going and what is pulling us along. Knowing this glorious end and having that pull us along is sanctifying.


And there are many more ways scripture comes to life! Scripture is our life-giving truth from our infinite God. We will never exhaust its depths. This list barely scratches the surface. If you are a Christian, you will spend a lifetime exploring the depths of God's word and never get bored. You will spend an eternity in the presence of God and all the people of God and never cease to be amazed at the greatness of our God.

FINAL NOTE

Reflecting on this course has been such an enriching experience for me. By the grace of God, I hope it has served you in some way as you seek to speak the truth in love.

Helping Relatoinships - part 5: Praying

This is part 5 in a series of blog posts on the “Helping Relationships” counseling class that Teresa and I took at Westminster. To love someone well, we ultimately want them to drink from the Living Water, Jesus Christ (John 4:11, 7:38). Nothing else in this world or this life can ultimately satisfy. The last post talked about learning to say “we.” The struggles of the heart are universal. Knowing that, we proceed with humility and keep asking one more question. When we can say “we”, that means we see our struggle in their life. We have entered their world, see their need, and our common need for the Savior.

By the time we can say “we”, we have some idea where to take them to Christ because we have experienced the life-giving Living Water ourselves. And if we're in a big mess as well, Christ meets us where we are. Together, we can call out to God for help.

PRAYER

So how can we pray? Whenever we see our sin, we pray for help so we can repent and turn to Christ. We pray because we are powerless to overcome sin on our own. The Holy Spirit must intervene! And that's how we can pray in a meaningful way for someone. In the midst struggles, we pray that they would experience the goodness of God and turn away from false gods. Of course, when someone is suffering, we pray for God to relive that suffering. There's nothing wrong with praying that God will provide a spouse, a job, better health, etc...

But, if we only focus on the suffering and don't address the desires of the heart, we may be missing something important. God uses suffering to discipline us: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Heb 12:11). God uses the trials of our life (James 1:2-4) to show us that we often love something more than we love God. The struggles show us that we need the gospel of grace even now. Christ died for our sins, and we need His grace in the day-to-day struggles. In short, we pray that others may love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength- a reality that all Christians desire.

PRAYER IN REAL LIFE

How can this work in real life? It might be helpful for me to include snapshots from a conversation I've had with a friend. I've changed some of the details, but hopefully you get the idea.

Me: What's been going on with you lately? [I'm trying to move towards my friend and go deeper]

Friend: I just got laid off from my job. I'm thankful for the severance package, and I'll have unemployment benefits for awhile. But life's hard, and I'm feeling depressed.

Me: What's been hard about getting laid off? What worries you the most? [Asking one more question....]

Friend: I'm not really worried about the bills. What bothers me is that I look around at my other friends, and all of them have jobs. I feel like God has forgotten about me.

Me: Why do you think God has forgotten about you? [I keep asking one more question until I can say, “we”]

Friend: I feel like other people have jobs, but I'm getting singled out. Why does this have to happen to me?

Me: Disappointment in life is something I've had to struggle with at times. As someone who wants to be a preacher, it can be discouraging to see other people who are more gifted or get better grades in seminary. I have desires in my heart to excel and do well. Those desires aren't wrong. But, when those desires begin to lead and control our life more than God, we know that we've crossed the line. [at this point, I see a similar struggle in my own heart....I'm able to say “we”!]

Friend: It's hard to believe that God loves me.

Me: How have you experienced God love?

Friend: I know He gave Jesus to die for me- I believe it. I know He has been faithful to me in the past. God gave me this job before, and He has provided all my needs in the past.

Me: How can I pray for you?

Friend: Pray that God would provide a new job.

Me: I will pray for that. How can I pray for your relationship with God?

Friend: I need prayer for my struggle and my doubts.

Me: I will pray that God gives you eyes to see what He is doing and helps you to trust Him. He has a plan for you, brother. I don't know what it is, but He does. He's been faithful to you before, and He's shown you His love in Christ. Can I pray for you now?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Father, I pray that you would give my brother a new job. I thank you that you have given us a great Savior, Jesus Christ, who has rescued us from our biggest problem, the problem of our sin and our eternal punishment. I thank you for providing for my brother in the past. I pray that He would look to You and that he would call out to you for help with his doubts. I pray that He would see that you are good, loving, and faithful. Amen.

Helping Relatoinships - part 4: Learning to say "We"

This is part 4 in a series of posts on the “Helping Relationships” counseling class. In previous posts, we've looked at a number of different topics: the pervasiveness of counseling (it happens whether we like it or not), the call to love one another, and the continual need to put off sin and take hold of Christ. We love others with our words by moving towards them, asking questions, and entering their world. This gives us the foundation for speaking truth in love and for praying the promises of God into someone's life. In short, the Christian walk is not just me loving Jesus, but helping one other love Jesus.

I want to pick up this post by continuing the topic of “moving towards.” This is a key part of walking alongside others so you can know them well and love them well. Knowing and loving go hand in hand- you can't love someone you don't know. But, often when we know someone, it makes us want to run away because life is messy!

How do you get to that level of knowing someone well? Or, if you do know someone well, how do you love them? It's often easy to judge another person and lack compassion when we feel self-righteous. It's easy to think, “How could they do that! (or be like that!)”

One problem is that maybe we don't know the full story and need to ask one more question. Another problem is that we might have elevated ourselves above the other person, forgetting that we share the same struggles and desires. We forget that all of us are made in God's image and that we share the same types of struggles. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.” (1 Cor. 10:13). At the root of any struggle is a battle within the heart to love God more than something else (see part 2).

LEARNING TO SAY “WE”

Learning to walk alongside someone means understanding their world and their struggle to the point that you can say, “we”. It is no longer their struggle but something you can identify with. No matter how bizarre or abnormal someone may be, there is an aspect of their sin that is shared by all of us. Take for example, a struggle with sexual purity. Someone may struggle with pornography or even adultery or homosexuality. But someone may say, “How can I identify with that? I don't struggle with that- those are serious sins!” But, Jesus said whoever looks with lust at a woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt. 5:27-28). So, our lust is on the same level as adultery- we are really no different!

Though it may be unlikely, someone may again say, “I still can't identify with that. I don't have issues with lust- I keep my eyes pure.” Then, we continue to take another step back. Lust and desire are not just limited to sexual impulses, but they are connected to the broader category of idolatry. Even if I don't struggle with these, I have struggled with envy, coveting, and wanting something (or anything) more than God. What could that be? We have to ask, “What are the things in my heart that I treasure and love more than God Himself?”

That could be the desire

• for preserving life at any costs (think about how often we get upset when my “god” of comfort and convenience get threatened)
• for money or financial security
• for approval and acceptance in our relationships
• for power and control
• for accomplishments (think about how often our joy is disturbed if we feel like we're not getting much out of work)
• for purpose (think about how often we get discouraged if we feel like life doesn't have the purpose we think it should have).

This list covers pretty much everything! It shows how our human hearts are idol-factories that churn out an endless supply of desires that take us away from God. At one point in time or another, we've been ruled by these desires. How do we know? We know this because when God takes some of them away (either permanently or temporarily), we get upset!

When we can recognize these desires at work in us, we see that we are all alike under sin- that we have all gone astray, that no one is righteous, understands or seeks for God (Rom. 3:10-11). Christians are forgiven people, but there are still on-going struggles as we learn to follow Jesus. Therefore, even if we don't struggle with lust or sexual immorality, we still have a heart problem. We still follow our own desires sometimes. And this means we are able to walk alongside with someone. We have the ability to identify with their struggles, to enter their world, and to say “we.” I may not struggle in exactly the same way as another person, but I still struggle. And therefore, we are the same.

And the good news is that the gospel comes to heal us, not just when we were converted, but here and now. Christ died for those idols in my heart! I need the gospel just as much as my struggling brother or sister in Christ. And because we both need the gospel to bring healing and forgiveness, we are the same. I can say “we”.

Helping Relatoinships - part 3

This is part 3 in a series of blog posts on the “Helping Relationships” counseling class that Teresa and I took at Westminster. Counseling can sound like a fancy and professional activity. Yet, counseling happens everyday whether we realize it or not. The 5 minute conversation after church service or the phone call late at night from a distressed friend are all examples of ministering to others through our words. Previous posts discussed why good counseling can build a healthy church while bad counseling weakens it.

The last post ended with 3 different aspects of Biblical counseling:

• how you are doing
• how God and His promises are infinitely better than all other false gods, and
• how to pray the promises of God into your life.
  

KNOWING ANOTHER PERSON – HOW ARE YOU DOING?

Scripture calls us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). The heart of counseling is being personal. What is our view of people? The right answer is that people have infinite worth as image-bearers of God. But truth be told, more often than not, people can be viewed as an inconvenience or hassle. We have to remember that on our own, we can't love people. I often forget that when I mess up. Thanks be to God for the Holy Spirit, who bears the fruits of love, joy, peace, etc... in our lives. We need the Spirit moment by moment if we want any hope of walking faithfully in Christ.

FOLLOW UP

One indication of our love for people is whether we follow up with them. If they share a struggle or prayer request, and we tell them that we'll pray for them, do we do it? Sometimes we forget! But, if we carry someone in our heart and they matter to us, we will remember to pray and even ask them about it later on.


MOVING TOWARDS

Another aspect of loving people is learning to move towards another person. What is moving towards? Have you ever experienced a personal connection with someone to the point where you could say, “He understands me!” It could be as simple as having the same interests or hobby or liking the same sports team. Because of that shared value or experience, there is a bond- you know them, and they know you.

To grow in loving others, we have to grow in our ability to know people. There's certainly nothing wrong with talking about the Philadelphia Eagles (or any other sports team). But, if that's all we ever talk about, we haven't gone deeper. We must learn to move one more step. For example, we can ask, “Why do you love the Eagles so much?”

Emotions get us down to who or what we really love. What moves you? What are you into? How are you feeling? What are you learning? These are the types of questions that move us towards another person so we can apply scripture into our lives and then serve them by asking, “How can I pray for you?”

WHEN IN DOUBT, ASK ONE MORE QUESTION

When moving towards another person, having humility is critical. We don't know all the answers and we haven't figured out everything. Humility should move us to ask questions to clarify and understand, avoiding the problem of jumping to conclusions. How often have we formed an opinion or a judgment, only to realize later that we were missing a critical piece of information?

Our professor shared a story in his own life about his daughter always studied in the noisiest part of the house. It was exact opposite for what he (and many other people) would do. He was tempted to judge her and look down on her, until he asked one more question: “Why do you study in the nosiest part of the house?” For her, silence was distracting, and she needed the noise to concentrate. Our temptation is to think of moral categories of right and wrong without asking one more question.

This is definitely not easy! In fact, it is impossible without God's help. If our only boast is Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 10:17 and many other places), our sinful nature would rather boast in ourselves.

In future posts, I'll go into how this process of "moving towards" and "asking one more question" leads us into entering the world of another person. And when we're walking alongside with someone (as a fellow-traveler who also needs God's grace), we're in a position to make meaningful connections between our lives and scripture.

Helping Relatoinships - part 2

This series of blog posts is my attempt to capture some highlights from the “Helping Relationships” counseling class at Westminster. The class equips Christians to grow in our ability to love one another through our words. Why is this important?

In any given week, people have problems and will seek out either advice that will be either good or bad. People will pass that onto others. That advice could be life-giving medicine to the body of Christ, or corrupt the body like deadly cancer. How do we ensure the multiplication of healthy life-giving advice? In addition, we are called by Christ to love one another, which is one of the most basic commands that Christ gave us (see John 13 and John 15).

Before going into the “how-to”s of Biblical counseling, I want to lay a good foundation. Without understanding some key concepts, the principles of Biblical counseling won't make much sense.

THE GREATEST COMMAND

In the midst of people and their problems, we love others by seeking what is best for them. All of us were created for one purpose, which is to know God and enjoy Him forever. At its very core, sin is the failure to do that. God has commanded us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind, and love our neighbor as much as we love ourselves (Matt. 22:36-40). The root of our problems are traced to sin, which entered the world when man first rebelled against God. Sin is our failure to love and obey God.

AFTER THE FALL: SIN AND SUFFERING

But our problems don't just come from our sin and rebellion. Our problems also come from suffering, which were the byproducts of man's fall. When sin entered the world, so did suffering- things like thorns in the ground and things like disease, disasters, and death.

Sin and suffering have plagued the human race ever since Adam and Eve's rebellion against God. And they cause lots of problems! Thankfully, God has successfully engineered a rescue mission to restore sinful humanity and broken creation (see 2 Cor. 5:17-21 and Rom. 8:18-24).

But, Christians who are forgiven and have eternal life in Christ still struggle with temptation. Paul has almost an entire chapter of Romans (see Romans 7) detailing his struggle against his old sinful nature. As a Christian, Paul has a new nature and wants to love and obey God, but his old sinful nature wages war against his new nature. We will continue to have this struggle until we are given sinless, glorified bodies in Heaven one day.

HUMAN HEART = IDOL FACTORY

The sinful heart gravitates towards idols. John Calvin has said that the human heart is an “idol factory” Our sinful hearts run to anything and everything that isn't God. It could be obvious things like money, power, and prestige. Or, it could be more subtle things like control, comfort, and convenience. Whatever the case, our hearts don't naturally love and obey God on its own. We need a lot of help!

In the meantime, we have to engage in serious spiritual warfare against the idols of the heart. One evidence that someone is spiritually alive is that he kicks and fights against sinful idols by the power of the Holy Spirit: “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” (Rom. 8:13).

PUTTING SIN TO DEATH

The Holy Spirit does this when He reveals sin in our lives, convicts us of it, and gives us the desire to repent from it. The process may not be fun- we have to call sin what it is and confess it to God and others. But, the resulting clear conscience is something we wouldn't trade for anything in this world. That process of killing our sin requires brutal honesty. We have to stop the excuses and even call ourselves out on it. Without that brutal honesty, we're simply deceiving ourselves and even covering things up: “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” (Pro 28:13) As we continue this process, we grow in our love for God and obedience to His commands.

But, does that kind of brutal honesty work with others? How can we love others by helping them love God more? Does this mean we should call people out on their sin? Brutal honesty is needed for our sin, so isn't it needed for the sins of others?

Sin is often blinding and leads to self-deception. We often don't know that we are sinning, and our defenses often go on high-alert when someone wants to confront us. Biblical counseling gives us the tools for helping others. Often an "idol-hunt" doesn't work- we can't simply look at someone's problem, tell them they're sinning by serving a 'false god', and then tell them to start serving the true God. We often can't speak to others like we speak to ourselves. The brutal honesty we use on ourselves to confront our own sin and put it to death often doesn't work on others. That brutal honesty will just turn people away and even get us accused of being self-righteous and judgmental.

DILEMMA

This presents a real dilemma. In cases where sin needs to be exposed, how do we do it without being dismissed as insensitive or self-righteous? How do you call out sin without coming off as judgmental? How do you help someone with their idols in a way that is loving and sensitive? Jesus calls us to pull the log out of our own eye so that we can see clearly to pull the speck out of the eyes of others (Matt. 7:3-5).

Biblical counseling seeks to walk alongside another person. By walking alongside, we aim to find out:

• how they are doing
• how God and His promises are infinitely better than all other false gods, and
• how to pray the promises of God into their life.

In future posts, I'll build on this foundation and describe some of the ways we apply this knowledge in our relationships within the body.

Helping Relationships- part 1

In this next series of blog posts, I'll be writing about the first counseling class I took at Westminster. My wife and I took a class taught by Ed Welch called “Helping Relationships.” My wife Teresa is a counseling major, so it was a way for us to take a class together. The class was also a great way for me (an aspiring pastor and preacher) to get my feet wet by taking a course in Biblical counseling.

IS COUNSELING REALLY NEEDED?

All the professors at Westminster have to sign something which says that they agree with the Westminster Confession of Faith, a pretty comprehensive summary of the Christian faith. This means that all faculty agree on the nature of scripture as our highest and final authority (see post), and they also agree on how to interpret it (see post).

But, there are differences in how to apply scripture. The different departments at Westminster have different opinions on Biblical counseling. And they can be quite vocal about it. One professor told our class (which included both counseling and non-counseling students) to put down the counseling books and pick up a book on God. His point was that if we have a clear vision of our infinite, eternal, all-powerful, and all-knowing God, our problems would be seen as infinitely small and insignificant. He would argue for the centrality of Biblical preaching, which helps us comprehend and know God. That's one viewpoint. At the other end of the spectrum are those who argue for the centrality of 1-on-1 Biblical counseling. Preaching is important, but it tends to be too broad (like a shotgun), while 1-on-1 Biblical counseling can dig much deeper and be much more specific.

In both cases, there is an emphasis on changing us to be like Christ. The preaching guys focus on the word to change hearts. The counseling guys focus on personal relationships to change hearts.

Which one is right? In reality, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. I believe a healthy church needs both preaching and counseling. When Paul passes the baton to Timothy, he tells him to preach the word and be ready in season and out of season (2 Tim. 4:2). But, in the same verse, he also tells him to “reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” This could refer to 1-on-1 counseling. Elsewhere, Paul talks about teaching in public and from house to house on the necessity of repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. (Acts 20:21). Teaching house-to-house may be a good example of something like 1-on-1 Biblical counseling.

So, we see that scripture gives us examples of both public and private ministry of the word in public preaching and in house-to-house ministry.

WHY IS BIBLICAL COUNSELING IMPORTANT?

Though there are probably dozens of reasons why Biblical counseling is important for churches, I will give two reasons here.

1. Advice spreads like multiplying rabbits.

This is a reason I picked up from Tim Lane, director of the counseling program at Westminster. In any given week, people have problems, such as sin, temptation, or suffering. People seek help from friends and other people they know. Here's the kicker- whatever help they receive, they will use it to help others. What kind of advice are they getting? Is it Biblical and Christ-centered? Or, does it follow the pattern of this world? It won't take long for advice (either good or bad) to spread and multiply throughout the church, much like multiplying rabbits. Good advice can reinforce a pastor's biblical preaching and strengthen faith in the life of the church. But bad advice can undermine preaching and even undo a pastor's work. How people relate to one another in times of trial and crisis can either lead to a healthy church or to a weaker church.

2. We are called to speak truth in love (Eph. 4:15).

All Christians are called by Christ to speak truth in love to one another. This is not a command given to pastors or teachers, but to everyone who is part of the body of Christ. All too often, our best attempts to help a struggling brother or sister sounds too much like the counselor in the Bob Newhart skit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE). His advice to his client is to “Stop it!” When his client looks astonished, he simply repeats by saying, "Stop it!" In other words, our advice can sound like telling someone to "just stop sinning!"

For example, if someone in your church is struggling with anger, looking up all the Bible verses on anger may not fix the problem. There's a good chance they've thought about it and have already looked up those verses. Anger may not be the main issue but simply the byproduct of some deeper issue. So, telling them to simply “stop it!” may not fix the problem. If we want to bring the truth of scripture and the hope of Christ into their lives, we will need a different method. If we want to grow in our love for one another, we should grow in our skill in speaking truth in love.

In future posts, I'll get into some of the nitty-gritty details on how the class taught us to do these two things- ensuring the multiplication of good advice and speaking the truth in love.

Sin and Grace

This is part II in my struggle with insomnia during the Fall semester of 2010. Our second major paper was to examine the role of our own sin and God's grace in our lives. Not all of us did the same topic as our suffering and refuge paper, but it happened to work out that way for me. Through His perfect timing, God used our Dynamics of Biblical Change class to show me that the original cause of my insomnia was my fear of man and pride. Below are some glimpses of my life during that time.

About the first week of November my insomnia began to happen during nights that I didn’t have a Greek test the next day. I became increasingly nervous about bedtime, and was very anxious about whether I would even fall asleep each night. At first, I was the one who tried to cure myself of my own insomnia. I tried to make my body tired so that my chances of sleeping would increase, but the insomnia continued. I even bought some sleeping pills but they wore off and were no match for my insomnia. :P

God had patience with me and was the one who ultimately delivered me by opening my eyes to my own sin and bringing me to repentance over it.

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Thursday night Dynamics class (11/4/10)

I had cried out to God for deliverance from the symptoms of anxiety and sleeplessness, but it wasn't until Dynamics class that week that God began to deliver me. Through that class, God showed me that I cried out not for His sake, but to bring comfort to myself. I wanted the pain to go away, but I didn't desire heart change. I wanted relief from my symptoms, but didn’t understand my heart.

The Lusts of the Flesh

When Dr. Powlison was describing the desires of the heart, he described the lusts of the flesh in Romans 13:

• Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

The lusts of the flesh, he explained, are more than just sexual sins and coveting. They overflow to good things in life as well. It wasn't bad that I wanted to do well or that I wanted sleep, but I wanted to do well too much. I was fighting for sleep because my desire had become my master. My performance became a monster that was infecting more and more parts of my life. I found myself constantly stressed and my insomnia was becoming more frequent. The worse it got, the more I tried to gain control, which made my anxiety even worse.

The Real Cause

Through that Dynamics lecture, the Holy Spirit showed me and convicted me that I was worshipping myself. It finally clicked that that I had lost the proper perspective of who God was. God had become very small and helpless to me. He was only a helper to me when I was in trouble, and he could only bring relief to my symptoms. I realized that I had stopped worshipping Him and that I had started worshipping my own abilities and talents. My pride had mastered me.

“Any fear or anxiety is ultimately a worship of ourselves”- This phrase really spoke a lot of me. It had never crossed my mind that I could become a slave to serving myself and my own self esteem. In trying to do so, I had become a wreck, and nothing was good enough. I had forgotten that all of this was for God’s glory, and to deepen my relationship with Him. Instead, God had become long forgotten and I had worshipped my feelings and my grades. Of course, I didn’t want to serve and worship myself. No one says to himself, “I have decided to worship myself today”. Sin creeps its way into our hearts unnoticed. I was completely blind to the fact that I was even doing so in the first place.

Real Deliverance

My response was sorrow and repentance over my idolatry. At the same time, God brought a sense of relief and joy because my eyes were finally opened to my sin. When God convicted me of my sin, it became an “a-ha!” moment, and was truly liberating. I experienced the joys that came with repentance; the process is not only a turning away from your sins, but a freeing from sin that comes when you begin to see your own actions through God’s eyes.

That class period was a turning point for me in my deliverance from insomnia. I wanted to cry for almost the whole three hours of class that night, but they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of joy, finally knowing what my problem was, and gladness that God had helped me to see who I was worshipping. I was so grateful that God had provided this deliverance from bondage to my sin by opening my eyes, speaking to me by the Holy Spirit, and giving me a true repentant heart once I saw clearly. God brought me through that time, carried me and gave me strength during my suffering, and finally delivered me in His perfect timing through His power. He changed my perspective and where I put my trust. I could now truly relinquish control. I believed in this solution. When God provides deliverance it is really deliverance. It is not just a solution that I think I can will myself to believe, but genuine liberating heart change.

That night, I slept soundly. God had turned the switch from “blind” to “see” and my heart was truly changed.

Put to the test (11/7/10)

Three days after that, on Sunday morning, we were driving to church and the idea crept into my mind that we had a Greek test the next day (Monday). We had been studying for it all weekend, and I had had peace about it. Suddenly, though, it was again the day before the big test and the same situation was looking me in the face. I slowly felt my body tensing up. “Oh no! Is this happening again?” I thought. “What about all that I’ve learned?” I was strangely quiet in the car, and Alex asked me if I was sleepy. What I didn’t tell him at the time was that I was nervous about not being able to sleep. I knew the right answer, but in that moment, I didn’t know it as clearly anymore. I resolved that the only thing I could do was ask God to help me, and I prayed some in the car quietly to myself before we arrived at church.

Tears of Joy

We arrived at church 10 minutes late, and the worship band was starting a new song. As soon as I heard the song, I knew that it was for me. I wanted so much to worship God with all my heart but lacked the strength to do so. God gave me this song so that I would have words to worship Him in the midst of my struggle. The words of the song expressed perfectly the cry of my heart and I started crying, both physically and in my heart crying out to God to save me once again."Yes, Lord! This is exactly what I want to be saying to you right now!"

I will glory in my Redeemer

Whose priceless blood has ransomed me

Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails

And hung Him on that judgment tree

I will glory in my Redeemer

Who crushed the power of sin and death

My only Savior before the Holy Judge

The Lamb Who is my righteousness

The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer

My life He bought, my love He owns

I have no longings for another

I’m satisfied in Him alone

I will glory in my Redeemer

His faithfulness my standing place

Though foes are mighty and rush upon me

My feet are firm, held by His grace

My feet are firm, held by His grace

Nothing in my own knowledge would save me, not even my remembrance of all of the lessons that He had taught me. Only God could deliver me from this. He knew that I needed to sing this song, and He brought us to church at just the right time so that I would worship Him with it. As soon as I began to worship Christ and sing the Gospel through this song, there was such joy because my soul was fed with the truth of who God was as my Savior. He turned my sights from looking at myself and my circumstances to looking at Him.

God reminded me that I am held firm by His grace, and though trials may seem to possess such power, He is mighty to save. He delivered me (from myself!) once again, not of my own knowledge or strength, but through His provision and grace. I received comfort from God that was real and lasting. I didn’t have to tell myself not to stress. God gave me peace which transcended all understanding.

Epilogue

I know that these trials will continue to come because there is still sin in my life that I have not dealt with. My life is certainly not anxiety-free, and I do still get nervous about tests and grades. However, my reaction to trials has been changed by this whole experience. I’ve learned that God goes through my trials with me. He is my ever-present help in times of need. He is mighty to save His children and will deliver me. He has a purpose to suffering, and He, as the creator of the universe, is the one true being in all the earth that is worthy of worship. He has patience with me in my sin and is my deliverer.

Even though this suffering is tough while it is happening, God always ordains it for a purpose. He will continue to be faithful, though I will still struggle to trust Him, but He will deliver me in His time. Paul says, in Philippians, that “He who began a good work will bring it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”. Our salvation and God’s work in our lives is His work, and He will finish it. Praise God that I got about six hours of sleep that Sunday after church.

However, although there are times where I do still get anxious, I know that progress will continue to be little steps of faith of crying out to Him and learning to trust Him. I am very much looking forward to that day where all these sufferings will end and there will be a day where we sin no more. All things will be made right. Praise be to God that that will indeed happen one day and in Christ there is true hope and deliverance!

Suffering and Refuge

Alex has shared a lot about Apologetics here at Westminster. Spring classes start tomorrow, and I've been assigned to talk a little bit about how being here at seminary has changed me.  

I've benefited so much from just being here at Westminster for one semester. This fall, I took a counseling course called Dynamics of Biblical Change taught by David Powlison; it has been a blessing to me in so many ways, and the Holy Spirit has mercifully changed me in ways that I don't deserve.  This past two years or so God has been giving me an interest in counseling that I never thought I had, and never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be changed so much by it. But God gives gifts to His children that are so much better than anything we could ever ask for or imagine. Praise Him for that!

Since I'm not much of a writer, I thought I'd share some papers (essays, really) that I've written this semester in counseling class. The first one (this entry) is about Suffering and Refuge, and the second one (to come at a later time) will be about Sin and Grace.

 This is an excerpt from a project that I did about mid-October 2010. Our task was to examine a period of significant suffering in our lives and to seek God as our refuge in the midst of suffering. The trial that I examined was my sleeplessness due to Greek tests during the summer and fall semesters. 
 

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Summer Greek
This summer I began to have sleepless nights before each of our Summer Greek exams. If you know me, you'd know that I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. I had never had any issues with sleeping before, and it was a huge shock when I began staying awake for hours on end.  Each day before the test, I studied all day and felt fine about the test. However, when I went to bed, I laid in bed for hours and could not fall asleep.

At first, I told myself to calm down and that sleep would eventually come. Eventually the hours rolled by and I continued to stay awake. I told myself that this shouldn’t be happening to me. I repeated to myself that I needed to let it go, to surrender it to God, and that it wasn’t that big of a deal. Slowly as the hours passed one by one, I became increasingly frustrated. I tried a number of things to help me relax. Still no sleep. I wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t sleep as well, and thought perhaps that I had had too much caffeine. I also was jealous of Alex and Beni who were happily asleep and blissfully unaware of my angst.

The second time this happened, I tried my hardest to eliminate many of the contributors to insomnia that I thought I could control.  I had no caffeine that day, bought curtains to keep out the light and the noise, wore earplugs, and retired early, all to give myself the best chance of falling asleep. Still, the result was the same. I got under two hours of sleep that night. 

In desperation, I started thinking of how I could escape from the situation that was causing this suffering. I thought about dropping out of seminary so I wouldn’t have to take any more tests, and retiring to the “easy life” of starting a family. Anything, I thought, would be better than not getting sleep.

I NEED 8 Hours! 
In my mind, I feel that I absolutely need to get eight hours of sleep or I won’t be adequately prepared for the exam. I get debilitating migraine headaches from time to time, and I really fear getting those because I can't function at all for the whole day. In my mind, if something happens to my sleep, it will lead to me getting a migraine, not being able to take the test, having to withdraw the course, and dropping out of seminary, which would separate me from Alex, who would excel and continue to take classes while I could not. My mind turns one small thing into a great potential disaster looming around the corner, ready to strike. I think that the right circumstances have to be in place in order for me to be successful.

When I am doing something that I have previously been good at in another context, I expect a certain level of perfection when doing that same thing in another context. As a result I get nervous even though in the first context I was calm and confident. In this case, my dilemma is partially, “Can I be a good student again after all this time out of school?” and also partially, “Am I as good as these other students in my classes? Am I smart enough for seminary?”

As the semester progressed, I became fearful about sleep in general, that I wouldn’t be able to sleep the next night or during the following nights. Actually, I still dread going to sleep the day before an exam. Through this sleeplessness, God took away, for a time, one of the things that I’d always counted on as a guarantee. I could always trust in the fact that I could sleep, and suddenly I couldn’t do something I’d never had any trouble with my entire life. It was earth-shattering. I felt helpless and like my body didn’t work anymore. I had to spend much of the next day recovering and was not as productive as I would have liked to be.

Who is God in all of this? 
 God promises He is in control. He has ordained every sleepless night for a reason. He is the creator of all things, including my body, Greek participles, and sleep. He promises to work everything to the good of those who love Him, even something that takes away the ability for me to function and think properly. He promises to be there when I walk through the long corridor of sleeplessness, and to lead my steps. 

He gives me strength, not necessarily to happily pretend that nothing is wrong, but to persevere and trust Him through these trials. He both hears my cry and gives me strength to have peace during a troubling night of sleeplessness, and to persevere in my studies and be faithful to the task that he has called me to. He is worthy of praise because His character doesn’t change dependent on my circumstance. He is infinite, outside of time, and knows every single second of my life. He is infinite; the situation is not. He is all powerful; the situation is not. 

More Greek Lessons  
Through all trials, God is shaping us and showing us things in our lives that we need to change. First of all, the Lord has been challenging me to not run away from suffering. This sleepless has continued into the Fall semester. During the weeks leading up to the first test this semester, I thought a lot about the concept of sleep. I was challenged by the article we read on Psalm 119 where Dr. Powlison shared about his struggles with insomnia and how he learned to look forward to that time as a time to meet with and be in the presence of God. It really challenged me to think about my beliefs about who God was in the midst of suffering. 

I slowly began to realize that God is with me when I cannot sleep. He is unchanging, so that means that He is still sovereign and still good even when I can’t sleep. God is by my side in my suffering. He is present, sustaining me, giving me strength to carry on when all human reason screamed to give up and go home. Most of all, He is my help, my refuge in times of need. I can cry out to Him, tell Him how I’m feeling, and He hears and gives me strength to persevere. Even if I don’t get to fall asleep, His hand is still completely sovereign over my entire life. I can trust in Him to have some purpose to my suffering, and to be the one who gives and takes it away. 

The words of Psalm 62 have really become the cries of my heart during those moments of sleeplessness:

 ¹For God alone my soul waits in silence;
   from him comes my salvation.
² He only is my rock and my salvation,
   my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.

In those nights, God is the one who my soul waits for. He has saved me from my sins, and He will save me from this sleeplessness when it is time. He ONLY, not my grades or knowledge, is my rock and salvation, and I can cry out to Him and He will keep me from being greatly shaken. I may be slightly shaken from the insomnia, but my world is not the disaster that it once was in response to this suffering.

Secondly, I’m beginning to see that the issue I’m facing is more than wanting to get a good night’s sleep. Rather, it is an issue of surrender. Before seminary I had successfully completed a college degree, and was competent to handle engineering classes.  I started class with unconscious pressures to achieve at a certain level. 

I’m learning that I trust in my own performance. If I don’t do well, I believe that I have failed. I put my identity in my achievements. I’m not really taking the test for God, but to prove my own goodness and ability.  

Slowly, I’ve begun to learn to say to myself, “This is the amount of time that you have been given to study, and this is the grade that God has given you. These are blessings from God, and not works of your own hands.” My focus in seminary is beginning to shift from having to prove myself to realizing this time is a gift and a blessing to study and to know God better.

Finally, sleep? 
During the night before this past Greek test (about two weeks ago), I once again could not sleep. However, my reaction to the time dramatically changed. Instead of feeling utter despair, I was able to genuinely cry out to God and surrender my circumstances to Him. I found that the times that I was on my knees asking Him desperately to help me trust in Him were the times that I had the most joy that night, because it was in those times where I didn’t have to be in control. I didn’t have to will myself to relax. I admitted my inability to do anything on my own to God, and cried out to God as my protector and refuge. I knew my God was right alongside me, and that I wasn’t alone. I was able to ask Him for help in addressing these performance issues, and for asking Him to take my life and transform it for His glory. I asked Him to use these results not for my praise but for His.

Although I didn’t sleep normally that night, I did end up falling asleep for five hours, which was a huge difference from sleeping only 1-2 hours the nights before our previous two tests. I praise God that He has changed my heart about anticipating these times of insomnia as a time to cry out and surrender to God, to thank Him for loving me and for taking care of me, and for understanding and meeting with me during my time of suffering.