AoO Chapter 9: Life in the Real World

Tripp starts this chapter by describing two typical responses to our culture: Rejection and Assimilation.

Rejection is illustrated by the "Smith" family. They are dressed very conservatively and talk about a book they are reading as a family. Their children have little interaction with non-Christians to avoid negative influence. No modern music is played, and they do not go to the movies. The TV is for educational programming. The Smith's paradigm is "Come out among them and be separate".

Assimilation is illustrated by the "Jones". The kids wear a lot more jewelry and earrings. The daughter has headphones around her neck and the kids participate in many public-school activities. They all have stereos in their rooms and watch lots of TV. On the surface, the Jones look and act like their non-Christian peers. Their motto is "Be in the world, but not of the world".

Rejection has problems. Everything God made is good, though good things can be abused. Modern music is not evil by nature, but it becomes evil when it draws us into rebellion against God. The other problem is that the core of our struggle is not evil outside us but with evil within. The corruption of the world is caused by evil desires (2 Peter 1:4). Isolationism may lead to self-righteousness- righteousness is equated with "keeping the list".

Assimilation has problems also. Scripture teaches us that nothing is neutral- "He who is not with me is against me".

Tripp uses the pollution metaphor to understand how sin taints our culture. When there are poisons in the air, people wear protection. The protection that we wear is a Biblical worldview that filters out the unseen poisons of the culture. Simply sheltering teens from culture will not work. The key is to open the communication channels and help teens see areas where they have absorbed the pollutants of our culture. This is done through personal examples and pointing teens to Christ. This "Redemptive interaction" is a third response to culture, which is different from rejection and assimilation.

GOAL 3: Teaching a Teenager to Understand and Interact Redemptively with his Culture

The first step is to know and understand God's truth as a protection against the culture's pollutants. This is done by preparing teens to have a Biblical worldview and not just teaching Bible stories without connecting them to real life. When studying scripture, here are some questions to ask ourselves:

• What do we learn about God, His character, and his plan?
• What do we learn about ourselves, our nature, our struggle, and the purpose of our lives?
• What does God say about what is right/wrong, good/bad, true/false?
• What does the passage have to say about our culture (its values, views, behavior)?

The next step is teaching teens to test what they see from a Biblical worldview. They should give teens opportunities to test the culture against God's Word. This means going to movies and concerts with them, listening to music together, etc... The testing process includes identifying the common ground between our experience and the fallen culture. If we look at our own sin and experience of being sinned against, we will recognize common experience and grief.

The final steps involve deciding and redeeming. Teens must be coached into deciding when they can be redemptive participants or when they must separate from the culture.

Alex' thoughts: I like the analogy of wearing protective gear to filter out pollution. Our main struggle is with our own evil desires, so we must understand those desires and starve them rather than feed them. I have some concerns with this analogy, though. Since there is so much pollution in the culture, I see few cases where we can redeem it. God commands us to "flee temptation". Having the protective gear of a Biblical worldview could provide a false sense of security and expose us to things we have no business experiencing.

Questions to ponder:

• What does it mean to redeem our culture? Do we need to experience the world to have common ground with others?
• Like American football, rugby is a full-contact sport. However, rugby players do not wear nearly as much protective gear as football players. Interestingly enough, the injury rates for rugby players are much lower, and tend to be much less serious. How could our "Biblical worldview" protective gear lead to a false sense of security?
• What should a parent do if he and his teen have tested culture from a Biblical worldview and the teen still wants to rebel against God?

AoO Chapter 10: A Heart for God

All parents want good things for our children: good education, job, marriage, children, home, and a life without tragedy. However, what is the central wish that should be the foundation of everything we want for our children? David captures this:

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple (Ps. 27:4)

David describes a "heart for God." We cannot let anything be greater than this. The Westminster Shorter Catechism says that the chief goal of man is to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever".

GOAL 4: Developing a Heart for God in Your Teenager
Tripp gives several reasons why homes that profess to know Christ have no desire for God.

1. Familiarity - taking God's truth for granted
2. Lifestyle - busy schedules prevent parents from diving deep into the hearts of their children on a regular basis
3. Hypocrisy - parents may profess to know Christ but deny Him in their attitudes and actions (see discussion on chapter 2: Whose Idols are in the Way?)

What are the signs of a pursuit for God?

• There will be an independent life of personal worship and devotion to God
• Desire for corporate worship, instruction, and fellowship
• Open to discussions about spiritual things
• God affects how they make decisions

Tripp closes with some practical ways that parents can grow their own heart for God as a means for transferring this heart to their children.

Alex's thoughts: I like this chapter, but unfortunately, it has one big shortcoming. Tripp leaves out the biggest reason why people don't have a heart for God: being unsaved. Not everyone who makes a profession of faith is genuinely saved. Those who are saved will have a heart for God, as they are new creations in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17) and have been born again (John 3:3). Someone who isn't born again will not have a heart for God. The scriptures are filled with stunning illustrations that show this.

For example, in Matthew 7:15-24, Jesus illustrates the difference between true and false conversion with several examples. First, the narrow way leads to eternal life, while the broad way leads to eternal destruction. The good tree bears good fruit, while the bad tree bears bad fruit (and will be cut down and thrown into the fire). The true believer does the will of the Father while the professing believer who does not do the will of the Father will hear "I never knew you" from Jesus.

For other parables illustrating the difference between true and false converts, see: Matt 12:33-37, Matt. 13, Matt. 22:1-13, Matt 25, Mark 4:1-20, Mark 12:1-12, Luke 6:43-49, Luke 8:4-15, Luke 12:35-48, etc...

Side note: Remember that we are saved by grace through faith, not be works. The good fruit we bear and the submission shown to Christ is the outward evidence of inward change.

Questions to ponder:

• Is a heart for God important to you? If so, how is that demonstrated in your life?
• What areas do you need to change so that you and your family will grow your heart for God?
• What are the indications of true conversion?
• The parables Jesus tell should have a two-fold effect: they should cause true believers to examine ourselves and then serve as warnings for us. Take time to study the passages and ask for God's Spirit to teach and enlighten our hearts.
  

AoO Chapter 11: Leaving Home

GOAL 5: Preparing Teenagers for Leaving Home

The goal of parenting is to work yourself out of a job. We want to send off our children knowing that they have everything they need to do what God has called them to do. Parents must remember the gospel throughout this process: it was while we were yet sinners that Christ died for us and it is His goodness that leads to repentance. Parents who follow Christ's example will correct with the gospel of grace as part of the message.

Tripp gives parents 4 verbs to keep in mind:

• Accept: Not acceptance of sin, but acceptance that leads to change
• Incarnate: Reveal Christ (His love, patience, gentleness, forgiveness. See col 3:12-14)
• Identify: We share a fallen nature with our teenagers and we share progressive growth unto holiness with them
• Enter - Participating in a teen's life by listening and asking good questions
  

Parents should study, understand, and model the Biblical maturity that Paul describes in Colossians 1:9-14.

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the LORD and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

AoO Chapter 12: Three Strategies for Parenting Teens

Biblical goals are insufficient for Biblical parenting. Biblical strategies are required also. All of these insights and strategies apply to teenagers because they apply to people in general, especially ourselves!

STRATEGY 1: Project Parenting
We must ask ourselves questions like these: What should we be working on with this particular child at this particular time? How should we work on it? You must have an idea where the teenager has room to grow, where he is susceptible to temptation, where he is struggling, and where there is rebellion. Psalm 36:1-4 provides a model for project parenting.

What significant relationships must he deal with? Who are the voices of influence? What values are being promoted in his world? Where are the places of daily struggles?

Teens must develop wisdom to understand his own heart. This should eventually lead to detecting his own sin and learning to hate it.

STRATEGY 2: Constant Conversation
Hebrews 3:12-13 shows us how easy and how fast our hearts become hardened by sin. Without daily conversation and examination, sin will grow unchecked.

See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

The turning away refers to a turning away of the heart. The heart always turns before the eyes, mouth, ears, hands, and feet. When someone has rebelled against the Lord (e.g. stop worshiping and submitting to Christ), the heart left long before that. The constant communication is on-going treatment for our spiritual blindness. Again, this means asking good questions, pursuing the heart of the teenager, and bringing the gospel into their lives.

STRATEGY 3: Leading Your Teenager to Repentance
In 2 Corinthians 5:17-21, Paul describes the ministry of reconciliation (being made right with God). Through the gospel, we are brought into a right relationship with God, and now we are God's ambassadors to bring that right relationship to our teenagers. Tripp lists 4 steps he uses:

1. Consideration - "What does God want my teenager to see about himself that he's not seeing? This involves a dialog about the situation, the heart response, the behavior response, the reasons behind the response, and the result.
2. Confession - Parents often make the mistake of confessing for their teens. Without addressing the spiritual blindness, the teen will not see the issue the way God sees it.
3. Commitment - A commitment to God and people to live, act, and respond in a new way. It must involve a turning of the heart and changed behavior
4. Change - True repentance leads to concrete changes in our lives

Alex's thoughts - This chapter and the next one are great summarizes of what Tripp has shared in the first 11 chapters. He starts bringing all the ideas together and shows how they can be applied.

AoO Chapter 13: Small Steps to Big Change

It is never too late to change yourself and bring lasting change to your family. Mountains are not conquered in a single step. Relationships do not change overnight. Tripp provides more practical steps for parents:

• Stay calm - "Man's anger does not lead to the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:20)
• Keep conversation open (see Strategy 2 in chapter 12: "Three Strategies")
• Demonstrate how the Bible interprets, explains, and organizes life - God's Word rules and directs every part of our lives or it does not (see chapter 8: "Convictions and Wisdom" and 10: "Heart for God")
  
• Be willing to show your own struggle (Paul does this for us in 2 Cor. 1:3-11)
• Keep Christ and His work central - It is not enough to speak about Christ, we must demonstrate His life in our life (see 10: "Heart for God" and 11: "Leaving Home")
  
• You're a sinner. Don't act surprised at your teenager's struggle with sin (see 4: What is a Family?")
  
• Plan for temptation (see 5: "Parents Meet Your Teenager")
  
• Make accountability your teenager's responsibility - There are always places to hide. An army of people cannot successfully hold a person accountable who does not want the help
• Be a good listener and observer (see chapter 12)
• Don't give in to problem allergy (see 1: "Opportunity or Survival")
• Always keep heart in focus (see 3: "What is a Family: A Definition")
• Do your Biblical homework first
• Always speak lovingly and constructively - communication problems happen not simply because of a teen's character, but also because of our idolatry (see 2: "Whose Idols are in the Way?"
• Be willing to overlook minor offenses - not everything is equally important
• Always deal honestly with your own attitudes (see chapter2)
• Expect, welcome, and respect differences - The goal is for a child to be made into the image of Christ, not ourselves

Questions to ponder:

• Tripp presents a lot of advice all at once! If you could pick 2 to work on, which would they be? Why?
  
• Which piece of advice was something you wish you knew years ago? How can we make sure we don't get discouraged?
• What are pieces of advice you have already taken to heart? How can you encourage a fellow parent through what God has taught you?

Anniversary!

It's hard to believe it's already been a year since we got married. This weekend we're going on a little trip to Fredricksburg to celebrate! Our plans are to hike Enchanted Rock and Inks Lake, and then go stroll the streets a little bit during Oktoberfest and grab some yummy German food.

I'm about to embark on a little foray into fancy Chinese cooking. Whenever we travel, my aunt always brings these delicious braised beef shank sandwiches with cilantro on a shao bing, so I decided that I would learn how to make them.

Even buying the right cut of meat was a trial. I naively thought that HEB would carry the right cut of beef shank, but theirs is already cut up into filets, and when I asked the butcher if he had any more, he went into the back and brought out the actual leg, shrink wraped, with skin, bone, and all. :P A trip to MT led me to what I was looking for, and now it's sitting in my refrigerator, silently mocking me.

I found this recipe that looks pretty good. We'll see how it turns out!
http://www.tastehongkong.com/recipes/stewed-beef-shank/

moustache bunny

A few of Alex's coworkers have a yearly tradition of growing out their beards in the wintertime until sometime in March. They're looking pretty scruffy by then end of it, with full out beards covering their whole faces.

Alex seemed interested in doing it (although there are only two weeks left) because his coworker Kameswar has joined in this year, and Kameswar is a bad influence on Alex ^_~. He's not usually one to be wild and crazy, so to encourage his "wild side," I told him he should try it. I think it'll be cute.

I'm looking forward to the results. Today was his first day of being Moustache Bunny. He really can only grow a moustache, so I'm envisioning some really thick Luigi-like growth that can be calmly smoothed while drinking a glass of wine. Very refined.


But realistically, it'll probably end up looking more like a used car salesman. Maybe he should get a plaid suit to match.


Doesn't my bunny model look happy?