AoO Chapter 5: Parents, Meet Your Teenager

We need a Biblical understanding of teens, but the problem is that the Bible doesn't say anything about teens. The first 7 chapters of Proverbs records a wise father giving advice to his son. These are the tendencies the author observes with teens.

No hunger for wisdom or correction
Most teenagers don't have a natural desire to ask for wisdom. Parents have a responsibility to make wisdom appealing. "Do you make the taste of correction sweet?" We need to win our children for wisdom, and that's not done in anger. Deal with yourself before dealing with your teenager (Matt 7:3-5).

Teens tend to be defensive and take loving concern as accusation. Parents must come with honest questions asked in humility. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger". (Pr 15:1). Tripp describes some practical steps to do this:

• Clarify your intentions and love
• Help them examine their own defensiveness
• Be faithful in confessing your own sins against teenagers

Keep the teaching moments interactive, not a lecture.

Tendency toward Legalism
Parents need to be skilled in talking about the spirit of the law (what was the intent). There is a difference between inner purity and pharisaic performance of duty. Performing out of duty will lead someone to test the boundary of the law while missing the intent of the law.

Tendency to be unwise in their choice of companions
Friendships are very important, and a person is known by the company he keeps. It's impossible to be uninfluenced by one's friends.

A Susceptibility to Sexual Temptation
For the first time, children desire relationships with the opposite sex, and lust and fantasy often become private sins. Parents must put this subject on the table early and keep it as a topic for open discussion.

An Absence of Eschatological Perspective
Eschatology - a focus on eternity - is not something that comes naturally. Teenagers tend to live for the present moment. The culture tells them: "You are the labels you wear. You are your body size. You are your intelligence (or athletic ability, car you drive, house you live in, or the level of popularity you have)" The culture teaches us to live for the moment and lay up treasure on earth.

Lack of Heart Awareness
"Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23). The heart is the control center of life, and what rules our heart will rule our lives. Parents must lead teenagers to look beyond outward behavior and examine the heart. What is the condition of the heart that leads to the behavior? Where has he exchanged the Creator for some aspect of creation (acceptance, a possession, or position).

Tripp shares the story of his daughter coming home with a bad grade in Spanish. When she got home, she had come up with an explanation that completely took her responsibility out of the picture. She was spiritually blind and did not see the real issues of the heart.

It's only when a person knows God that he can know his true nature, and as this happens, his hunger for God increases. These are universal heart-issues: fear of man, materialism, selfishness, lust, covetousness, envy, unbelief, anger, self-righteousness, love the world, greed, rebellion.

Alex's thoughts: These characteristics are true of all people, not just teens! They come straight from our sinful, rebellious nature that does not seek to submit to God. This is where the gospel must be explained clearly- those who are born again have a desire to turn away from sin. Those who are in Christ are new creations- the old has gone, the new has come. Though we are far from perfect, true Christians display a pattern of dying to sin and self.

The Scriptures have strong warnings for those who continue in sin:

• "No one who keeps on sinning has seen him or known him" (1 John 3:6)
• "For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sin, but a fearful expectation of judgment and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries" (Heb 10:26)

Questions to ponder:

• These areas also prompt us to examine our own lives as they are not unique to teenagers. For instance, in what ways are we unwilling to accept correction from others? How do we tend towards legalism? How do let down our guard in the area of sexual temptation? Do we communicate eternal perspective in all of life (or a temporary one)?
• Which one of these areas is the most challenging/difficult for you and your family?
  
• How well do our teens understand what the gospel is? Do we (and our teens) know what genuine salvation looks like?