AoO Chapter 7: There's a War Out There

Tripp recounts a story where his daughter was caught passing a note at her Christian school. The note was offensive, disrespectful of authority, and used language he could not believe would come from his daughter. He was immediately filled with a volatile combination of anger, grief, and embarrassment. He was angry that she would dare to be so boldly rebellious and insensitive. He was embarrassed because he was well known in the Christian community as a pastor, seminary teacher, and counselor. What would people think of him now?

Because teenage years are unpredictable, parents need a clear set of biblical goals as guardrails. Situations like these are sovereignly-given opportunities to shepherd the hearts God has exposed in teenagers. Or, they can become moments where a wedge of distance and anger are driven.

Before describing the right goals, Tripp talks about the wrong goals. The first one is regulating behavior. Most parents fear drugs, alcohol, sex, and dropping out of school, So, they take the role of policeman rather than parent. Rules "lack any value for restraining sensual indulgence" (Col. 2:20-23) because corruption in the world is caused by evil desires (2 Pet 1:4). Forcing rules does not change the heart. Wise parents will help teens to understand their own heart by asking the right questions:

• What were you thinking and feeling at the time?
• Why was that so important?
• What did you want to accomplish?
• What was your motivation?
• Why did you become so angry?
• If you could go back and do something differently, what would you change?

The goal is to show, not tell. This should be done in the love of Christ, who is the Great Shepherd:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another... (Col 3:12-14)

GOAL 1: Focusing on the Spiritual Struggle
Tripp has said many times to his children, "There is a war out there. It is being fought on the turf of your heart. It is fought for the control of your soul." Two things stop us:

• A tendency to focus more on the world of the seen, than the unseen (e.g. grades, job, college)
• Acultural misunderstanding about the nature of spiritual warfare. Spiritual warfare encompasses all of life: in the body of Christ, the marriage relationship, parent-child relationship, between slaves and masters, and in every place we go. There is a constant struggle against the world, the flesh, and Satan as we desire to live for God. The spiritual armor and the reminder of Satan as the enemy in Ephesians 6 is a summary of what Paul has said up to that point.
  

Questions to ponder:

• Are we, by the things that concern us and the way we solve problems, demonstrating that we understand there is a spiritual struggle?
• Are our lives consistent with what we say we would like to produce in our teenagers?
• What do you think about the list of qualities given by Tripp of the spiritual warrior? Which do you find most challenging for you? For your teen?